CHALLENGE DAY MONOLOGUE

According to their website, the Challenge Day mission is to “provide youth and their communities with experiential programs that demonstrate the possibility of love and connection through the celebration of diversity, truth, and full expression.”  This translates to an auditorium of teenagers going through exercises designed to break down emotional barriers.  They end up tearfully baring their souls in life-altering exchanges that hopefully result in their almost becoming human beings.

A woman in her 40’s, professionally dressed, stands up in front of the audience.  She can have a microphone or not.  She tries to appear in control.

Thank you so much for your participation today.  I think we all agree that Sierra High’s first Challenge Day has been a huge success.  (She motions with her hands to quiet the cheering.)

As principal of this high school, it’s my responsibility to make this campus a safe, bully-free zone of tolerance and empathy.  I now understand all too well how badly I’ve failed.  I owe you all an apology, but I especially need to apologize to my son, Chris.

Chris, I’m sorry.  I know I’m not always a good mom, but I’m doing my best.  You’re a good kid.  It’s not your fault your dad ran off with your babysitter.  Well, maybe you shouldn’t have packed them a sack lunch to eat in the car... but that was a long time ago.

All you kids have had the chance to spill your guts today.  Now it’s my turn.  Chris, I hope this doesn’t embarrass you too much, but I need to get something off my chest...

(snaps into principal mode)
One more snicker out of you, Mr. Andrews, and you’ll get detention!

Sorry, where was I?  Oh yeah.  You’ve all learned about “postpartum depression” in Mrs. Rossi’s health class.  Well, not you 7th graders, but you’ll get to it next year.

Anyhow, Chris, when you were born, I’d never heard of PPD.  All I knew was I didn’t love my baby.  Fortunately, my mother was able to stay with us until I stopped fondling the carving knife and comparing you to a rump roast.

You didn’t know your grandmother before the Alzheimer’s made her believe she was a kohlrabi, but she used to be quite a woman... although always very fond of root vegetables which, now that I think of it, may explain a lot.

Anyhow, one day Grandma was out shopping.  You woke up screaming your lungs out.  I knew I should pick you up and hold you, but I just stood there looking down at you in your crib, watching your tiny fists clench with baby anger.  Your face turned beet red, and all I could think about was cutting up some potatoes and carrots to go with those beets.  Your grandmother came home to find a crib full of vegetables and me rubbing salt and pepper on your bottom.

(snaps)  Mr. Andrews, I warned you... Two days detention!

Well,  after a few years and with the right medication, I got over the depression and my mother went back to Little Neck, Arkansas.  Chris, I know we have our issues.  I know I get upset when you pawn my jewelry or borrow the neighbor’s car.  But today I just need to tell you, Chris, honey, I love you, and I hardly ever think about how to cook you.

Anyhow, we’ve come to the end of a long day.  I’m very proud of everyone for your honesty and contributions, and I think we’ll see some real changes in our campus culture from here on out.  Students, you are dismissed.  Mr. Andrews, please see me in my office.